Facing it in the eye!
It’s empowering to read Medium’s “Tell Your Story…”, just when the heart wants to tell one. It’s difficult to imagine how 10 months 15 days went by since I wrote last. This were not just any 10 months. Come to think of it and 16th august 2021 was the day I stepped into my transformational journey. One health transformation workshop, one big promise, one goal and so much changed. From losing 15 kgs to getting regular periods (probably the first time in 14 years), to moving and creating what I like to call “home on wheels”, feeling more secure in my marriage and co-creating a news I’d save for later ;-)
So what brought me to write after so long? Well it’s particularly something very significant in my journey of healing from my trauma of the past. But before I unveil that with you and process along, I’d go about sharing some of the beautiful wisdom flowing in my life.
Wisdom No. 1: Source: Inner Engineering by Sadhguru
The past exists within each one of us only as a memory. Memory has no objective existence. It is purely psychological.
Memory distorts your perception of the present.
Do I wish to see my present as it is?
Do I wish to be stuck in the past?
Yes and No apiece.
Wisdom No. 2: Source: You can heal your life by Louise L. Hay
If we are willing to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed.
Tell that to someone who changed her lifestyle in and out to heal from PCOD, and expect no less than a healing story. Got too optimistic, eh? Trust me optimism has been my buddy all along, not to confuse with illusion.
Yeah, off late, wisdom books have started flowing in my life. But before I flow in a different direction, let’s pick up from the significant bit in my journey of healing from my trauma of the past.
I have decided to face it straight in the eyes, right where it all started. While trauma triggers have been there on and off, my trauma particularly got associated with this place, precisely with this house, I once called home. It was heartbreaking to run away and not turn back for almost 2 complete years.
On the surface what seems to be alive is the fear of recurrence, what really lives deep within is the haunting memories of all that went in front of my eyes, what comes alive is the bag of emotions I don’t want to feel — helplessness, disrespected, unsafe, on my toes, fearful and constantly not myself.
So, yes I am visiting again. Not under any pressure, not to please someone else, but because I felt, “it was time :) ”
The earlier sneak peeks into facing my trauma, if anything they taught me, too much preparations lead to too much thinking, too much thinking lead to less awareness of the self, more discomfort. So I have decided to let everything around me be, while being super confident of where and how I want to be. It’s the one definite thing I am going to keep focused on, on “being me.”
If you read so far and stayed me, I have my deepest gratitude to you for your time, attention and best wishes. I already feel, “all is well and something isn’t, that’s okay too :) ”
And yes, because I don’t want to take a regret trip, I will carry my list of affirmations and reminders. That amount of work isn’t too much, what do you think ? :)
